Guilt

What’s the one guilty pleasure you have that’s so good, you no longer feel guilty about it?

I don’t feel guilty now. Why should I? Besides I have a problem. Long years suffering from depression eliminates from your life the sense of pleasure in normal things you used to enjoy. So when I find pleasure in something it’s usually a good sign.

The problem appears when your illness looks for a substitutive for the satisfactions you’re loosing in something bad. I must confess that for a while found an enormous pleasure in buying things. It was not normal. I guess I was a compulsive buyer. Having in my power something completely new was an incomparable feeling for me.

Thanks God I had no money to spend and I found help at home so I’m OK now. But I suffered a lot those awful days, buying things I didn’t need, hiding them like treasures until I confessed all, and then having to go returning them to recover the money. It was a big struggle. A source of a lot of suffering and, yes, I felt guilty. Nothing could drop that feeling because what I was doing was so wrong.

 

No Apologies.

 

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